Nothin' to see here.

I went shopping online for new clothes today. I need to re-outfit myself for the summer.

That is all.

Gravity

It's nearly June and it's snowing here. I swear, this country is just messing with all of us at this point.

Anyways, I've been busy lately... preparing for finals, spending time with friends, working on new songs and personal writing projects, running for high school president, community service, reading, keeping up with politics, and from time to time, sleeping.

I dunno what it is about the last little while. At the time everything feels right and good, but when I look back on things, my days just feel hollow, like nothing special has come out of them. The single exception to this was the "date" that I went on last night. I didn't know until a few hours into the date that the girl I was with had never been out with a guy in any way, shape or form before. I really feel like I did a good job of making the evening special for her. I mean, I'm not sure how significant the whole thing'll be for her, but I hope she can remember it in the best light.

On an unrelated note, I worked at a charity garage sale earlier today. It was stunningly boring. I really wish that I hadn't volunteered for the thing, but I guess it was good... I got some exercise moving desks and couches for people who bought them. I hate being hired muscle, but you do what has to be done right?

Sleeping is dumb. We need to figure out some sort of energy supply for humans so that we don't have to waste so many hours of our lives just regenerating.

Okay. That is all.

P.S. I totally wish I could an airbender.

Just Lucky, I Guess

Girlfriend's mother asked me if I was in love with her, earlier tonight. Being the kind of person that I am, I replied with straight-faced honesty.
I'm very glad I made this decision. Her and I went on to have a really nice talk, and get to know each other a little bit more. I can't explain why, but it just gave me this nice, warm reassuring feeling inside of me.
Fifty days... it's coming faster and faster now.

Misrebelia

Staring at a blank page, I can feel the dark corners of exhaustion advancing in on my vision, though I'm kept awake by his violent coughing from the next room.
The hands on the clock read 7:37, with the second hand halfways to the '1', just the same as they've been stuck at for the last four days. I keep thinking that I need to get him to fix it, but I know as well as he does that if anyone could find a way to wreck a clock more than it already is, it'd be him.
Taking a drink from the glass next to me, and instantly forgetting the sensation, even as I swallow, I look back down at my desk. Fifty empty lines on the page. From the road outside, and ambulance races past, casting a new red backdrop on my otherwise bleak surroundings for a moment.
I bring the glass to my lips again, to discover that it's empty. My own indifference is nearly overwhelming. It's not so much my body's need for water as it is my physical defeat pushing away any other desires. I don't just want to sleep. I simply need it at this point.

My chest hurts.
Really hurts.
I get up, pulling my face out of the arm of the couch, only to have my head feel light, and my ears ringing. Steadying myself on the lamp on the end table, I stumble to catch it. She's tired enough as it its. It's hardly fair of me to add another broken lamp to everything on her plate.
I stumble to the kitchen, and blindly clasp the nearest glass to me, and hold it under the running faucet, splashing water onto my wrist and knuckles. I take a sip, and it tastes very faintly of beer... the same as the cause of the splatter on my shirt, if I remember correctly.
I down the glass in one gulp, and feeling more conscious, tiptoe back to the living room where I woke up. I can see one of my shoes lazily tossed aside underneath the table in the middle of the room. I'll look for the other in the morning.
I peel my shirt off of my lanky torso, and lay back down on the couch, face-up, and close my eyes to the sound of an ambulance rushing somewhere. In a weird kind of way, it's very soothing, the thought that the world is still spinning all the worst ways.

I give up. Not tonight. Maybe coffee tomorrow will help me think of something. What I wouldn't give to be worry-free for a couple hours.

Dream-self

My dream-self is a jerk. The situation was something like this
I'm sitting on a couch, Lily next to me, and she's crying, though I can't recall why. I wrap my arms around her, and promise her that everything is going to be okay. She scoots closer to me, curls her legs up, and puts her head on my chest. It's like this for several minutes until I blink, and suddenly it's like I'm watching a movie, suspended several feet above the two of us.
Then, I hear my voice say, "Don't open your eyes. If you do, you'll wake up and remember that this is all just a dream."
Naturally, I open my eyes, and I'm in my room, the sun is risen, and I'm clutching my pillow close to my chest.

Losers

Wow. Talk about shenanigans. Seriously, I think I've broken over twenty laws in the last hour... but damn, if that wasn't an AWESOME time, I don't know what was.
Shopping carts rule, plain and simple.

Spastic Breathing

Okay, so get this: I've got an awesome idea for sorta brother and sister story ideas stemming from two extremely different trains of thought, but coming together to make one really kick-ass idea. Maybe it's crazy, but check this out: The two very different points of view in these songs made into two lovers feeling extremely contrasting emotions for each other, but how they come together to make something beautiful, regardless.
You never know, it could come out just some sloppy mess, but it'll be my sloppy mess. Wish me luck!

Diary of a Dead Kid

Dear freakin' lord. I was partying (with Mormons) until 6:30 in the morning, I got home, went to bed, and only just woke up.
It's probably not very positive that blogging is taking priority over taking a shower or getting something to eat.
Gah. I have the grosses rings under my eyes. I'll do a post tonight when I don't want to die


P.S. It really was a good time last night though. I DJ'd a mini-rave on a mini-golf course, and that was really cool.

NPH

I just had a girl tell me she masturbated to Neil Patrick Harris.
I need to stop asking questions about anything ever.
I really don't want to know.



(Seriously though, he's a really good singer/actor. He's one of my favorites.)

?

I am right
I am wrong

Wishing Well

Third Step is (left to right) Christopher Gast, Jared Hubbard, Seth Harris, CJ Murray, Zac Beres


One, two, three, FOUR!

Another night, another deal
I'm outside, looking through your windowsill
I gave you life; you gave me hell
That's why I'm drowning in a wishing well
Grey eyes, that cannot see
Are like a mirror staring back at me
If I could hide, seize on a whim
I'd learn to sink before I learned to swim

Lock me up inside a padded cell
And I'll scream until the walls come down
you didn't know it
But I found you out
I found you out
You can say it, I don't care-
I don't want you anywhere near my head,
because I can see, inside your eyes a wishing well

Another day, another time
I bring you up here for the perfect crime
You gave me hope, I gave you all
You picked me up and then you watched me fall
She's in my lungs, it's hard to breath
When all you are is a hyperbole
Of something real, I cannot reach
I'm like the student that you cannot teach.

Lock me up inside a padded cell
And I'll scream until the walls come down
you didn't know it
But I found you out
I found you out
You can say it, I don't care-
I don't want you anywhere near my head,
because I can see, inside your eyes a wishing well

I'll take you home (I'll take you home)

And now I'm drowning in a wishing well
I wanna scream but I can't make that sound
I didn't want to, but I found you out
I found you out

So Booky...

Finally done the play... I sorta miss it already. I mean, it's nice to be over with the whole thing, and I can get on with my life, but on the other hand, I'm going to miss the other members of the cast, and the crazy antics we all got up to.
Ah well... all's well that ends well.

I got my "birthday gifts" today (as in, I cashed in my gift cards). I picked up three books, Superman: Red Son, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (A Trilogy in Five Parts), and Atlas Shrugged.

To be clear on something, buying a Superman mini-series is odd for me. I almost never delve into the D.C. universe being the Marvel fanboy I am. Red Son is something very interesting though- What if our American hero's kryptonian rocket had landed twelve hours later, and instead of the embrace of Mr. and Mrs. Kent, had been raised in the arms of a loving Joseph Stalin on a Ukrainian collective farm. Lois Lane becomes Lois Luthor, and it's just a very... interesting take on an American icon that's also an interesting deconstruction of the classic Communism Vs. Capitalism.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy should require no explanation. It's the greatest sci-fi comedy ever written, and honestly, I've just always wanted to give it a try, so I'm doing just that

As for Atlas Shrugged, my meaning for that one is a little different from the other two. The Ayn Rand institution of Canada is having this massive essay competition, and the grand prize is $10,000. My English teacher recommended that I enter this, on the grounds that I'm pretty skilled at writing essays... the hardest thing about this (besides actually finishing the book... eleven-hundred pages of the tiniest text... it's going to take me a while) will be the brevity of the essay. I have to keep the things under a very strict 1600 word limit. Oh well... even if I don't do well with this essay, I can guarantee that this will be a learning experience for me.

*yawn* and now, off to bed before I die.

The makeup doesn't hide the dark rings

This play really takes it out of me... I don't know why though. It's not like it's really physically demanding or anything. All I know is that after I come home, I'm just exhausted, to the point that it's difficult to do little more than stand.
Ah well... one more night left. It's going to be the best one though. I can feel it.

P.S. Last night, I had repetitive horrific nightmares. All kinds of terrifying images and... gah, I woke up in a cold sweat three or four times. It was awful, especially considering how I don't usually have nightmares. I'm trying to figure out where they came from.

Are we human...?

I love dancing. Not the act (I really have two left feet), but the idea behind it. To me, dancing is the ultimate expression of letting go. Can you think of a single image more motivational than that of a young man and woman dancing together on a crowded sidewalk, disregarding the people running into them, or the looks of those around them, or even the lack of music.

Just freedom
Just dancing

There's something about moving hand in hand with a lover, be it in a crowded ballroom, a high-school gymnasium, or a dark pier, with only the moon to light you. It's almost electric, like sex in a weird sort of way. Sway, spin, gaze, it's all just so... emotional.

17

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday to me!

Last time we talked Mr. Smith...

If there is anything that I've learned in life that is true no matter where you look, it's this fantastic little piece of wisdom that everybody should at the very least consider in daily life. Getting angry doesn't solve anything.

So simple it's stupid, right? I thought so too at first, but upon thinking about it in more depth I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing, at all that isn't true about this. I can't think of a single problem in the entire world that couldn't be solved ten times faster and with WAY less hassle if everybody in the world was totally capable of keeping their cool under any circumstances. I mean, it's probably be a lot less exciting, but still, the way I see it, it'd be a pretty big step up from how we often behave now

Just thinkin' out loud, I guess. That's what a blog is for, unless I'm mistaken

Run

Let's run
There's no need to sit anymore, waiting, reminiscing ideas and memories,
Because sometimes, that's all they are- memories.
And you know what?
I'd say we're overdue for some new ones.

Let's run
We don't need to talk.
Finally, I'll be able to hold you, and we can dance,
In the freezing rain, surrounded by grey horizons,
Save for our bubble of colour

Let's run
There's countries, continents, a whole world
That's been signed over in the name of the future
In the name of us, perfect lovers
Almighty sixteen and free

My Song

The following is a post from my old blog that I dug up. I really like the way that this one reads, so here is is. The date is somewhere around... Later October, I think.





Well, this last week has been an odd one. Fantastic highs, and laughably pitiful lows come together to make something that's memorable, but tiring beyond belief. Nothing I can't handle, but it just makes the whole idea of "When it rains, it pours" hit very close to home.

What I mean when I say that is, things don't happen a little bit at a time. Walls and rules have been formed over years upon years, and it takes a while to gather the momentum to breath through them without hurting anyone. Once you get moving though, you don't find you want to stop after getting past the first barrier... after all, after all of that effort, why stop, only to try to get the speed back up later? So you keep going and going, until you realize that your farther away from your starting point that what you ever thought you could get. Everything that you've rushed past is gone, and what's in front of you is something that you now know you posses the ability to bypass, but you still unsure if your really ready to get past it.

On a related note, is there a more powerful force than love? The jealousy, the heartache and the madness one girl can drive someone to is matched only by the joy, the life, the loss of sleep and the dreams that can be instilled in the same soul in but a second. To have your sanity ripped away with you, and exchanged with nothing but clouds, full of sunshine and storms. I can't help but smile every time I so much as think about her.

That's about all I've got to say for this week. Don't know when I'll write again, but it shouldn't be too long

All shadows have to have a light to be created.

Seventeen for Never

Five days until my seventeenth birthday. Honestly, seventeen is kind of a stupid year. Not quite eighteen, and nothing new from sixteen. The only meaningful thing I can think of is I can buy things with parental advisory stickers, or 'M' rated games (without having to lie to/sweet talk the clerk).

That play is on my birthday.. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. I mean, it's feasible that one of my cast members will make me a cake, or at least remember, but on the other hand, I want to be able to do things on my birthday. Go break things with friends, rock out, eat cake, dinner with the family, things like that. Not sing in a musical

Blah. That is all

P.S. Despite what the records will show shortly, I'll still be my perfect, almighty sixteen and free inside.

Philosiraptor moment

Does using the term "Flutter tongue" in a sexual context make me a pervert or a band geek?

The First

I feel like such a musician right now. Earlier this evening I layed the guitar part to the new song my band is working on, so now all we have to do is re-record the drum track, and get the vocals on top of everything else. With any luck, this track really will get us somewhere... but more than that, the thing that I'm proud of is finally having some fruits of my efforts that I can share with the people who have supported me.


I swear, someday, my name is going to lights somewhere. You won't have to wonder where to look to find me. Someday, the easiest way to track me down will be to push your way to the center of the biggest, loudest crowd you've ever seen... but don't worry. All you have to do is call my name, and they'll all be gone in an instant.

Just you and me baby.

Now, for my next trick...

FINALLY! I've done it! Nearly three weeks and fifty-five hours later the task is complete. Final Fantasy XIII is no match to me as a gamer! Yay! I can free myself of the chokehold the plot has had on my life, and finally move on to bigger and better things!

(Seriously though, it was really good game, and I had a great time playing it... not to mention it had one of the better endings of any game I've played. Everything was wrapped up perfectly, and things just felt right.)




Cave Story, anyone?

2010, the year of adventure

I want to go on a roadtrip really badly. Stupid school and not having any money. Seriously though, if I had my way, I'd just find a van, get a bunch of cash, some maps, a handful of mix CDs, and my guitar and just head south. Just go and go until I run out of resources.

I want to see the world. I'm bored here. I'm in dire need of an adventure before I lose my mind.

Tiny Japanese Girl

Hey You

Where are you?
Where are you?
I'm kicking and screaming-
Are you listening?
Everything I believe in has lied to me

But this could be the best day of my life.

White Strawberries

Wow. I am positively exhausted. I've never really been one for dancing, but wow... to just cut loose... crazy stuff. I had a great time, suffered little dignity loss (despite the fact that I do not posses the ability to dance at all.)

On an unrelated note, the dance made me very nostalgic... I close my eyes and it still feels like I'm there. Loud music in languages I don't understand, excitement and happiness all around,standing next to me, my lover... the memory is warm, comforting... I remember things are just so different from home. I miss the adventure.

The bad won't fix itself. The unhappiness, the longing, the loneliness, it's not going to just get better.
So I'll make it. Watch me change the world. Just watch me.

Seventy-six days
-Chris


P.S. I got asked to grad!? What's up with that?