Need You Now

Take Only What You Need From Me

Look, it's safe to say I miss you.

I've come to terms with this though, and I'm doing everything I can to change the reality that has been thrust upon us. This is not, and never will be something to take lying down.

After I'm caught, touch turns into fisticuffs

When the world gets rough, let my smile distract you
When you feel weak, let my fists fight for two
When fear is advancing, let my love blind you
When the hurt wants to consume, let my arms hold you

I felt you in my life before I ever thought to

When it began we were kids. Just kids. We had no idea what was going on, or what we were getting ourselves into. December 27, 2007. I told you I loved you for the first time. I fell asleep with a smile on my face that night. You were in my prayers, my thoughts and my intentions from then on. We danced with disaster, and fought the odds, and with luck, promises and hope we did it.

Maybe you just need a friend as clumsy as you've been

I made mistakes. I hurt you, and I was blind to it. Nineteen months of cautionary warnings, and strained feelings. We told each other it was better this way, but the Autumn wind never really had a chance to blow away Summer love. Through all the things I did, bad and worse, there's something that I was always amazed by. You held my hand no matter the sin, or the price that had to be payed for it. Sometimes I felt scared and alone, but when that happened you just gripped tighter.

Love you. You were all mine
Love me. I was yours, right?

Fixed

What you want, you are. You always were.
When the plans fall. Changing hands
What are the chances of winning?

You, you hold my heart
You, you won't let up
After I'm caught, touch turns into fisticuffs.
It's all in your head, wonder if I'm fixed to caught?


For it's statistics in the collected whole
With all the hunger that keeps you climbing walls
It's the one thing you can count on
We all end floating away
We all end floating away

You, you hold my heart
You, you won't let up
After I'm caught, touch turns into fisticuffs.
It's all in your head, wonder if I'm fixed to caught?

Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?
Is it your fault?

You, you're sinking (so they say)
You, you're finished (so they say)
You, you're buried (so they say)
You, a killer killing faith.

Hugs

I liked being able to hold you. You always felt warm and comfortable, and made me smile when I had my arms around you.

Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others
3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

For Everything Else, there's an Entry-Level Job.

Plane tickets to Mexico in December - $450
New Epiphone Dot - $440
New Driver's License - $22.95
Orange Juice - $1.00*(4*15)
Responsibility - Priceless

True love - ...
...
...
*smooch*

I did

I recorded a song today, but I was not happy with the result and wanted to record it again. I am too tired to make it sound better than the first one.

I wrote a story yesterday. I couldn't come up with an ending that I felt suited it, so I will not share it until I can figure out how.

I read Scott Pilgrim 2, and it makes me want Scott Pilgrim 3. I now have a job, and will shortly afterward have money to acquire the things I want.

I am tired, and need sleep.

Accidentally in Love

I'm not sure how I am right now. Really though, that's how I've been feeling for the past week in it's entirety. I mean, everything is great- I've got great friends, the weather's really nice, everybody's been in a good mood, I can stay up late, write songs, play video games, y'know, all the stuff that summer is about when you're seventeen.

Given the choice, I'd take heartache to heartbreak any time, no matter what. I mean, with heartache, it hurts just as bad... maybe even worse, sometimes, but you know that ll of the suffering is for a cause, and you know exactly what it is, and how it is. Just that it's far away, and you have to keep on playing by the rules of the game until you can finally come out a winner.



She says "What's the problem baby?"
"What's the promlem? Maybe I'm in love..."
"Love?!?"
"Yeah. I think about it whenever I think about it... can't stop thinking about it."
"Well, do you think you could cure this?"
"I wish I could cure it. I can't ignore this if it's love."
"Ah... I see. Dancing under blue skies, singing sticky-sweet love songs, all that, is it?"
"Maybe I should just surrender... it's be like strawberries for the heart, sweet and nourishing."
"You're going to give in? Just like that?"
"..."
"..."
"Maybe... maybe reluctance to give in should be... reconsidered?"
"It's funny. You aren't nearly as resolute as you play."
"Oh, shut up. And the way I see it, it's peaches."

Avenues

There are no two ways about it. I miss you.
I have no poetry, no metaphors, no stories.
I miss you, plain and simple.

August, and Everything After

I don't know exactly where I am right now. I mean, I knew it was coming, and I did what I could to prepare myself, but we all know that when push comes to shove, you can never really brace yourself for the impact of your own heart.

It's summer, but I still feel a chill outside. Maybe it's just because I had begun to get used to your warmth next to me, or maybe it's just my own mental overcast keeping me from feeling rays of optimism in my head. I keep trying to keep my hands busy, and keep my brain doing something else just to keep it off of what's happening right now with me.

It's not that I feel hopeless, but more that I don't know if I'm quite ready to put total hope in myself. For a little while, instead of clinging to prayers, dreams and promises, we didn't have to hang onto anything. For a little while, all of the things that we had to put our faith in were right there, with open arms and a thousand stories to share with glistening eyes. For a little while, we didn't have to lose sleep, fret or even hurt. We got the chance to be safe. To be loved absolutely, held dear to somebody's heart.

We got the chance to dream together.

I promise though, I haven't given up yet, and I'm not going to. 145 days, and it's getting shorter every hour. We can do this. For a long time, it won't be easy, but we can do it.

*I hold it all when I hold you*