“Tonight is one of those nights where you find yourself alone in your bedroom reading pornography. To be more accurate, it is one of those nights where I find myself alone in my bedroom reading pornography. Only, instead of arousal, it has conjured up a mixture of arousal and nostalgia. That is a dangerous combination… I tried to think of a subtle way to mention that I still think about her. But what do you say? There is no subtle way to mention you miss the curve of someone’s ass.”
- Joey Comeau
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Mortality
STOP RIGHT NOW IF YOU ARE A JOHN GREEN FAN WHO HAS NOT FINISHED THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS
I read the latest John Green novel, the Fault in Our Stars last night in a single sitting. As his writing usually does, it roused some questions for me, but in this case, one in particular has lingered with me.
"How does my existence affect my world?"
Structurally, in some ways I could almost call a cop-out of resorting to directly inverse gender rolls of Looking For Alaska, although I'm fairly sure that may be intentional. The second Augustus kisses Hazel in the Anne Frank memorial type place, his fate is sealed, and if you've read any of John Green's other novels, you know it's just a matter of time until his death (made further obvious by his constant talk of martyrdom).
But then I stop to wonder- Am I somebody's Augustus Waters, a Manic Pixie Dream Boy of sorts? Am I someone who sweeps into lives, changes everything, and then leaves in a great show of sound and fury, nothing but confusion, pain and bittersweet memories in my wake?
After beautiful experiences in Amsterdam, Augustus and Hazel give each other their virginities, in a totally pristine, picture-book perfect look at young love and it's possibilities. They remove the reminders of their oblivion (leg and breathing devices not required to not die) and share the ultimate indulgance of the flesh, ironically cementing the effect of the sinful city in Hazel's memory for her infinity with the painful reminder of her maidenhead. Again, I feel a connection to Augustus. Indulgance, consequences be dammed... but I wonder, after the fact, what remains of what (and who) I've left behind.
In the end however, nothing can last, and we have to make a choice- What do we die for? What is worth living for, what is the cause greater than ourselves; the ultimate concern?
I read the latest John Green novel, the Fault in Our Stars last night in a single sitting. As his writing usually does, it roused some questions for me, but in this case, one in particular has lingered with me.
"How does my existence affect my world?"
Structurally, in some ways I could almost call a cop-out of resorting to directly inverse gender rolls of Looking For Alaska, although I'm fairly sure that may be intentional. The second Augustus kisses Hazel in the Anne Frank memorial type place, his fate is sealed, and if you've read any of John Green's other novels, you know it's just a matter of time until his death (made further obvious by his constant talk of martyrdom).
But then I stop to wonder- Am I somebody's Augustus Waters, a Manic Pixie Dream Boy of sorts? Am I someone who sweeps into lives, changes everything, and then leaves in a great show of sound and fury, nothing but confusion, pain and bittersweet memories in my wake?
After beautiful experiences in Amsterdam, Augustus and Hazel give each other their virginities, in a totally pristine, picture-book perfect look at young love and it's possibilities. They remove the reminders of their oblivion (leg and breathing devices not required to not die) and share the ultimate indulgance of the flesh, ironically cementing the effect of the sinful city in Hazel's memory for her infinity with the painful reminder of her maidenhead. Again, I feel a connection to Augustus. Indulgance, consequences be dammed... but I wonder, after the fact, what remains of what (and who) I've left behind.
In the end however, nothing can last, and we have to make a choice- What do we die for? What is worth living for, what is the cause greater than ourselves; the ultimate concern?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Down on You
I can't exactly describe why, and it would be impossible to try, but I have found emotional and spiritual solace in the strangest of places- while giving cunnilingus to a girl I've come to fancy. (For those of you concerned, this story will not shift gears towards sexual deviancy, I'm going somewhere with this).
Anyways, I offered, she accepted, and in the moment I felt something that I hadn't felt so... fully in a long time. I felt totally at peace, not only with myself, but with her, her body, and honestly, all of the pent up emotions that have been giving me trouble just seemed to... dissolve away in the moment.
And who knows? Maybe this is just the start of a good thing. I feel like I'm in a good place, and now, the only way to go from here is up
May the day find you well
~Chris
Anyways, I offered, she accepted, and in the moment I felt something that I hadn't felt so... fully in a long time. I felt totally at peace, not only with myself, but with her, her body, and honestly, all of the pent up emotions that have been giving me trouble just seemed to... dissolve away in the moment.
And who knows? Maybe this is just the start of a good thing. I feel like I'm in a good place, and now, the only way to go from here is up
May the day find you well
~Chris
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