I don't know exactly where I am right now. I mean, I knew it was coming, and I did what I could to prepare myself, but we all know that when push comes to shove, you can never really brace yourself for the impact of your own heart.
It's summer, but I still feel a chill outside. Maybe it's just because I had begun to get used to your warmth next to me, or maybe it's just my own mental overcast keeping me from feeling rays of optimism in my head. I keep trying to keep my hands busy, and keep my brain doing something else just to keep it off of what's happening right now with me.
It's not that I feel hopeless, but more that I don't know if I'm quite ready to put total hope in myself. For a little while, instead of clinging to prayers, dreams and promises, we didn't have to hang onto anything. For a little while, all of the things that we had to put our faith in were right there, with open arms and a thousand stories to share with glistening eyes. For a little while, we didn't have to lose sleep, fret or even hurt. We got the chance to be safe. To be loved absolutely, held dear to somebody's heart.
We got the chance to dream together.
I promise though, I haven't given up yet, and I'm not going to. 145 days, and it's getting shorter every hour. We can do this. For a long time, it won't be easy, but we can do it.
*I hold it all when I hold you*
If anyone can manage it, you two can.
ReplyDeletePS- The last line and the way you put it there- my influence, no?